Marriage: Young vs. Old

Every phase you live in your life has its beauty, and getting married is a life norm that Allah created us upon and his prophet (ﷺ) encouraged us to do. Marriage is a blessed relationship and before being a choice, it is considered a form of provision (Rizq) from Allah to his servants. Just like any materialistic or moral provision, getting married and finding the right spouse is also a blessing that is given to human beings. Everyone takes what is theirs in this life, and if it is written for you to get married at a certain age, or even not to get married at all, then it is. This is the destiny of Allah, but it is our role to work for it.

Bokitta Blog - Marriage: Young vs. Old

The decision to get married is not to be taken easily because it determines your destination for the rest of your life. So, it does require a lot of thinking and planning and perhaps making an Istikhara to make sure that your decision is in the right place.

The prophet encouraged the youth to get married, and explained to them that it is a serious commitment that requires certain conditions to happen:

عن ابن مسعود قَالَ: " كُنَّا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ (ﷺ) شَبَابًا لَا نَجِدُ شَيْئًا فَقَالَ لَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهِ (ﷺ): يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنْ اسْتَطَاعَ منكُم الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ" (مُتَّفق عَلَيْهِ)
“Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot, they should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire” (Bukhari and Muslim)

There isn’t a specific age to take this step, yet there are conditions for both men and women who want to tie the knot because it implies a major responsibility and  guardianship. The spouses should be sane and mature physically, emotionally and mentally, and can hold the responsibility of the house and children. The 2 persons who want to tie the knot should be also able to understand the partner and realize that they are two different people with different mindsets and backgrounds so they can avoid major clashes. Add to this that the men should be also able to support the house and the -family to be- financially.

Bokitta Blog - Marriage: Young vs. Old

There is a major difference between marrying a young woman and marrying a minor. A woman who is ready physically and mentally is not the same as the one who is still living her childhood and playing with dolls! Add to this that the norms in the previous eras were different than the norms of our current time, and many concepts got modified accordingly. And if the prophet (ﷺ) people to get married back in that time, then they are even more encouraged to take this step in our period now, due to major temptations and desires that are facing our youth today.  

Our prophet (ﷺ) married Assayida Khadija 'may Allah be pleased with her' when he was 25 years old, and she was 40, meaning she was 15 years older than him, yet they created a fairytale story with their love and actions. Later in his life, and after the death of Khadija, he married Aisha 'may Allah be pleased with her', and she was only 9 years old ( this age of marriage was normal in that era). And this is a major example that age does not matter, yet what matters is the heart and mind.

Bokitta Blog - Marriage: Young vs. Old

10 Reasons to get Married Young:

  1. It is a Sunnah for those who are able to pay its costs and fulfill marital rights
  2. You grow together: Since you chose to be together from a certain age, it means that you will spend your life together and pass its phases as a pair. You will spend your twenties, fifties and insha’Allah your nineties together, in a life full of love. 
  3. You and your partner won’t be quite established in your ways yet. So as time passes, you may sculpt and form each other: While it is said that it is difficult to join two lives together when each one has been living independently for a long time, you decide to share your life from an age that can positively affect the other, to consort with the other. 
  4. You get to have a supporter and partner in every new phase of your life, starting from graduation to reaching high levels in both your career and family life.
  5. You get to take big decisions in pair, starting your life together: While some people are still trying to figure out who they are, you would have already worked out what you want in life and have someone to support you to achieve it. You are able to plan for the future, together. Bokitta Blog - Marriage: Young vs. Old
  6. You get the chance to spend many opportunities together that people who get married at older ages may miss as a couple: His successes are yours and yours are his, and this is an important point in marriage.
  7. Your health is in a good condition: Your body is well suited to have babies at a younger age
  8. You will have more energy to work together, play together and chase after your kids 
  9. You will become a friend more than a parent to your children: you can grow with them and you will have the energy to raise them, by giving them your full time and attention. 
  10. You get to grow financially and you learn to gain stability and maturity together: Especially if you start your life with a limited salary and you moderate your expenses. Add to this that Allah Promised those who seek marriage with provision (not only money-wise).
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ (ﷺ)  قَالَ: " ثَلَاثَةٌ حَقٌّ عَلَى اللَّهِ عَوْنُهُمْ: الْمُكَاتَبُ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ الْأَدَاءَ وَالنَّاكِحُ الَّذِي يُرِيدُ الْعَفَافَ وَالْمُجَاهِدُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ " (رَوَاهُ التِّرْمِذِيّ وَالنَّسَائِيّ وَابْن مَاجَه)
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: "There are three who are promised the help of Allah: The Mukatab who wants to buy his freedom, the one who gets married seeking to keep himself chaste, and the Mujahid who fights in the cause of Allah" (At- Tirmidhi, An-Nasa’i and Ibn Majah)

And in the Quran, Allah said: 

وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ ۚ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ (32) 
“And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all-Encompassing and Knowing” (Surah An-Noor, Verse 32)
Bokitta Blog - Marriage: Young vs. Old

We want to facilitate the Halal to make Haram difficult, and we shall not exaggerate in the dowry and the requests! Once you consider all the responsibilities that will lay on your shoulders after marriage and you feel like you are able to do them, then it is the right time to make the decision.

Whether you got married young or old, whether you have children or not, always enjoy the moment by worshipping Allah. Fear Allah by treating your partner well and making a beautiful relationship based on love and harmony. The experience of each couple is different from the others. 

In fact, it is not really about the age you marry at, yet it is about finding the right person you love and whom you are ready to share the rest of your life with. Discover yourself and live your life. Let the commitment in this relationship add to your life and personality, and not hold you back from anything you like. 

️May Allah bless all our Muslim couples and grant our girls with pious and righteous spouses.

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